Beautiful, and I’ve been thinking about many of these things since we spoke. I was thinking about what slow living is to me... because I don’t identify with the lifestyle side of slow living particularly... but to be able to learn to slow my breath down and be with all of the sensations in moments that I want to rush through and skip over and avoid entirely... that is what all of my practices and tools and certifications have been leading me towards. The simple element of slowly, and lovingly, breathing at a pace that suits my nervous system... even in the storms. So very grateful for your expression here and our connection. Xx
I'm really not sure where all the lifestyle / aesthetic end of the slow movement came from, or how it got so narrow, so fast. For me, that end of things has never been particularly useful - and I'm living a cliché slow 'looking' life here on the farm!
More than anything, for me, slowness has been an antidote to the common story we are told culturally that we need to protect ourselves from both life and our own humanity. *That* feels useful.
This really spoke to me, I’m at a crossroads of sorts and not sure which route to take so I decided to just sit and see, cancel the noise aka meetings when I need extra time time breathe. Not forcing, rushing, blaming, shouting. I’m feeling all the feels and yet, trusting is the biggest lesson and one I’m slowly learning. Sending you love Stacey!
This spoke to me especially: “I cannot change what is happening in my life right now, and that’s ok. I don’t like it, didn’t choose it, but here we are. My life is suddenly much, much less slow than I would ever willingly choose.”
So often these crossroads are not of our own design and it sucks and is also such a great blessing - I would never ever imagined on my own some of the crossroads I've encountered and my life is so much the richer for them.
My mantra is always "and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
Excellent piece. Your use of an alternative spelling, “busyness”, resonates deeply. I’ve been spelling it that way since 1997 after watching the movie, “The Fifth Element”. There’s a scene where the anti-hero, played by Gary Oldman, describes our current relationship with business accurately.
Stacey, You are approaching the storm with such grace. A life where there are no downs is but half a life. We need all of it to be whole. Continue to bend with the wind. D
Hehe. In my better moments - there have been plenty of tears, too. But I know in my heart that what you say is absolutely true, so there's not much else to do but bend.
I've a sneaking suspicion that hindsight will show judge this season of pulled-rugs and topsy-turvy-ness as one of the best things that happened to our family. We just have to survive it, first. :)
I just read Wintering by Katherine May and resonate so much with what you both are saying in terms of accepting how the pace – the seasons – of life will always change, and how this acceptance, especially in busier times, is what helps us find and cherish those moments of slowness.
I think the biggest first step was acknowledging there will be seasons to begin with. So many of us ( I think especially ambitious / accomplished women ) are taught that we can be / do everything. The part they leave out is you can have it all - but not all at once.
I spent the early years as a full-time mama watching my friends who had kept their career trajectory while having kids with envy. They got to keep climbing the corporate ladder and have time for things like - oh, I duno - brushing their hair - which seemed like such a feat to me in that season.
Looking back I recognize that there were plenty of things that they didn't get to do / be / have that I DID. Neither was right or wrong. But the simple truth was neither of us got to 'have it all' in that season - we had to choose. Recognizing that was so freeing from all the shame, guilt and anger and allowed me to lean into the choices I'd made, rather than looking over the fence for greener grass.
All that has made it much easier to be open to new seasons as they come, knowing there will be things I will gain and things I will have to sacrifice or say no to, depending. It also makes it easier to live through moments like the ones I'm in now - knowing that this season of sacrifice is in service of a return to a slower pace in the future.
Thanks for being here - always really value your thoughts.
I completely agree. Society has conditioned us into thinking that break-neck speed is the only speed. When in reality, it's natural to have slowness – even our hormones go through "seasons" to complete a cycle. Life is meant to ebb and flow and you're so right, there's a freedom in recognizing it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective, Stacey. I can't tell you enough how encouraging it is to know there are others out there who are opting out of the rat race and thriving as a result.
Here for ALL of it: the stillness, the slowness, the chaos, the messy middles. Ain't that what life is - a concoction of all of it. Sending you a deep and nourishing breath. ❤️
I'm late to this letter Stacey (or maybe I'm right on time, who knows?) and just wanted to say how much I appreciate it. I've been going through some stuff lately and I've been angry — maybe I still am — and I've also felt guilty about that for the longest time. What I didn't recognise for so long though, and what this letter shone a light on for me, is that I haven't let my anger replace slowness. If anything, slow living (whatever that looks like now), has helped me to sit in the discomfort, allowing it, reminding me that I will learn from it, all while I've also built tools and resilience and understanding based on slow living. It's really nice to look back and see what we've learnt and how far we've come, particularly when we're in the mess of it all and it would be easy to convince ourselves nothing's changed. So much has changed and I'm so grateful for it.
Thanks again for putting this out into the world. 💚💚
Love this piece! Thanks for sharing the messy and still giving hope despite it all.
Your phrasing reminds me of this amazing quote I read in Tribe of Mentors (kinda a pro hustle book overall, but some amazing gems packed in there despite that). It was something along the lines of:
I used to think that if I could just get all the obstacles out of the way of my path then I could finally enjoy life, and then I realized that there is no path under the obstacles. The obstacles are life.
It also reminds me of my favorite book of all time, Hotel New Hampshire, which is a tragicomedy- aka, a book where a ton of terrible s*** happens and yet the characters doggedly find hope...
My favorite life lesson in there is essentially the concept that they are no such things as happy endings and no one gets out of this life alive.. but so what? What if an unhappy end (or unhappiness in general) doesn't undermine a beautiful and well lived life?
This is my favorite breakup advice and also the perspective I share with my career coaching clients when things turn/end sour in their jobs.
This gave me goosebumps. You are so right. (And I actually love Tim Ferris. Weirdly, I read a lot from the traditional 'hustle culture' crew like him. I find there is always a way to take their wisdom and often science and apply it to slow living, especially slow work. - Which we should get together and chat about sometime btw - would love to hear about what you do!)
Our modern cultural values are reaching for this idea of life without suffering, sadness or any kind of discomfort whatsoever, never mind real pain. I personally think this is why we have an epidemic of depression, mental illness and loneliness.
And having watched my worrier / perfectionist of a Mama pass from cancer at only 64 - I learned the hard way that none of the things we thought were obstacles matter in the end, anyway. In the end, all that mattered was love. That was all that remained. That was a powerful lesson wrapped up in the most pain I've ever experienced in my life. But if I hadn't allowed the pain in, I would never have found the truth of the love.
Let's grab a video chat sometime - you can reach me at hello at slowfolk dot co
Stacey, your reply is equally goosebumping! (Apparently this can be a verb because my phone did not try to autocorrect me, lol).
It is amazing what difficult times can teach us, isn't it?
I've been thinking of time about suffering and discomfort and knowing when to embrace it and knowing where are you should strive to decrease it. Honestly, that's what inspired my latest article on how no one is cut out for all parts of motherhood, because hot damn is anything more of a mix of joy and struggle than parenthood??
I would love to grab a virtual coffee/ drink and swap stories; I'll shoot you an email!
Beautiful, and I’ve been thinking about many of these things since we spoke. I was thinking about what slow living is to me... because I don’t identify with the lifestyle side of slow living particularly... but to be able to learn to slow my breath down and be with all of the sensations in moments that I want to rush through and skip over and avoid entirely... that is what all of my practices and tools and certifications have been leading me towards. The simple element of slowly, and lovingly, breathing at a pace that suits my nervous system... even in the storms. So very grateful for your expression here and our connection. Xx
So grateful we were able to chat.
I'm really not sure where all the lifestyle / aesthetic end of the slow movement came from, or how it got so narrow, so fast. For me, that end of things has never been particularly useful - and I'm living a cliché slow 'looking' life here on the farm!
More than anything, for me, slowness has been an antidote to the common story we are told culturally that we need to protect ourselves from both life and our own humanity. *That* feels useful.
This really spoke to me, I’m at a crossroads of sorts and not sure which route to take so I decided to just sit and see, cancel the noise aka meetings when I need extra time time breathe. Not forcing, rushing, blaming, shouting. I’m feeling all the feels and yet, trusting is the biggest lesson and one I’m slowly learning. Sending you love Stacey!
This spoke to me especially: “I cannot change what is happening in my life right now, and that’s ok. I don’t like it, didn’t choose it, but here we are. My life is suddenly much, much less slow than I would ever willingly choose.”
Oh man, Carmen, right there with ya.
So often these crossroads are not of our own design and it sucks and is also such a great blessing - I would never ever imagined on my own some of the crossroads I've encountered and my life is so much the richer for them.
My mantra is always "and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
hang in there.
xo
Excellent piece. Your use of an alternative spelling, “busyness”, resonates deeply. I’ve been spelling it that way since 1997 after watching the movie, “The Fifth Element”. There’s a scene where the anti-hero, played by Gary Oldman, describes our current relationship with business accurately.
Stacey, You are approaching the storm with such grace. A life where there are no downs is but half a life. We need all of it to be whole. Continue to bend with the wind. D
Hehe. In my better moments - there have been plenty of tears, too. But I know in my heart that what you say is absolutely true, so there's not much else to do but bend.
I've a sneaking suspicion that hindsight will show judge this season of pulled-rugs and topsy-turvy-ness as one of the best things that happened to our family. We just have to survive it, first. :)
I just read Wintering by Katherine May and resonate so much with what you both are saying in terms of accepting how the pace – the seasons – of life will always change, and how this acceptance, especially in busier times, is what helps us find and cherish those moments of slowness.
Oh that one has been on my to read list for ages.
I think the biggest first step was acknowledging there will be seasons to begin with. So many of us ( I think especially ambitious / accomplished women ) are taught that we can be / do everything. The part they leave out is you can have it all - but not all at once.
I spent the early years as a full-time mama watching my friends who had kept their career trajectory while having kids with envy. They got to keep climbing the corporate ladder and have time for things like - oh, I duno - brushing their hair - which seemed like such a feat to me in that season.
Looking back I recognize that there were plenty of things that they didn't get to do / be / have that I DID. Neither was right or wrong. But the simple truth was neither of us got to 'have it all' in that season - we had to choose. Recognizing that was so freeing from all the shame, guilt and anger and allowed me to lean into the choices I'd made, rather than looking over the fence for greener grass.
All that has made it much easier to be open to new seasons as they come, knowing there will be things I will gain and things I will have to sacrifice or say no to, depending. It also makes it easier to live through moments like the ones I'm in now - knowing that this season of sacrifice is in service of a return to a slower pace in the future.
Thanks for being here - always really value your thoughts.
xo
It's a good one, I think you would appreciate it!
I completely agree. Society has conditioned us into thinking that break-neck speed is the only speed. When in reality, it's natural to have slowness – even our hormones go through "seasons" to complete a cycle. Life is meant to ebb and flow and you're so right, there's a freedom in recognizing it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective, Stacey. I can't tell you enough how encouraging it is to know there are others out there who are opting out of the rat race and thriving as a result.
Here for ALL of it: the stillness, the slowness, the chaos, the messy middles. Ain't that what life is - a concoction of all of it. Sending you a deep and nourishing breath. ❤️
Silvia - I am a fellow lover of messy middles - they are always, always messy, aren't they!!
Thanks so much for the encouragement. All the kind souls here have helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other and I appreciate it so much.
xo s
Yeah, agreed. It is important for us to recognize and be proud of our resolve and resilience during the tough, dark periods throughout our lives.
Doing so helps us increase our self-esteem and self-appreciation.
Yep. And both those things - resolve and resilience - are muscles that require practice and use to grow.
I'm late to this letter Stacey (or maybe I'm right on time, who knows?) and just wanted to say how much I appreciate it. I've been going through some stuff lately and I've been angry — maybe I still am — and I've also felt guilty about that for the longest time. What I didn't recognise for so long though, and what this letter shone a light on for me, is that I haven't let my anger replace slowness. If anything, slow living (whatever that looks like now), has helped me to sit in the discomfort, allowing it, reminding me that I will learn from it, all while I've also built tools and resilience and understanding based on slow living. It's really nice to look back and see what we've learnt and how far we've come, particularly when we're in the mess of it all and it would be easy to convince ourselves nothing's changed. So much has changed and I'm so grateful for it.
Thanks again for putting this out into the world. 💚💚
Love this piece! Thanks for sharing the messy and still giving hope despite it all.
Your phrasing reminds me of this amazing quote I read in Tribe of Mentors (kinda a pro hustle book overall, but some amazing gems packed in there despite that). It was something along the lines of:
I used to think that if I could just get all the obstacles out of the way of my path then I could finally enjoy life, and then I realized that there is no path under the obstacles. The obstacles are life.
It also reminds me of my favorite book of all time, Hotel New Hampshire, which is a tragicomedy- aka, a book where a ton of terrible s*** happens and yet the characters doggedly find hope...
My favorite life lesson in there is essentially the concept that they are no such things as happy endings and no one gets out of this life alive.. but so what? What if an unhappy end (or unhappiness in general) doesn't undermine a beautiful and well lived life?
This is my favorite breakup advice and also the perspective I share with my career coaching clients when things turn/end sour in their jobs.
This gave me goosebumps. You are so right. (And I actually love Tim Ferris. Weirdly, I read a lot from the traditional 'hustle culture' crew like him. I find there is always a way to take their wisdom and often science and apply it to slow living, especially slow work. - Which we should get together and chat about sometime btw - would love to hear about what you do!)
Our modern cultural values are reaching for this idea of life without suffering, sadness or any kind of discomfort whatsoever, never mind real pain. I personally think this is why we have an epidemic of depression, mental illness and loneliness.
And having watched my worrier / perfectionist of a Mama pass from cancer at only 64 - I learned the hard way that none of the things we thought were obstacles matter in the end, anyway. In the end, all that mattered was love. That was all that remained. That was a powerful lesson wrapped up in the most pain I've ever experienced in my life. But if I hadn't allowed the pain in, I would never have found the truth of the love.
Let's grab a video chat sometime - you can reach me at hello at slowfolk dot co
xo - s
Stacey, your reply is equally goosebumping! (Apparently this can be a verb because my phone did not try to autocorrect me, lol).
It is amazing what difficult times can teach us, isn't it?
I've been thinking of time about suffering and discomfort and knowing when to embrace it and knowing where are you should strive to decrease it. Honestly, that's what inspired my latest article on how no one is cut out for all parts of motherhood, because hot damn is anything more of a mix of joy and struggle than parenthood??
I would love to grab a virtual coffee/ drink and swap stories; I'll shoot you an email!